1. I converted to Christianity the coward’s way. Walked stark naked into the local garage and had myself Simonised.
2. During water shortages I used to bathe in a tub of whisky. That’s how I ended up with cirrhosis of the loofah.
3. Last time I played snooker, I nearly took a frame off Davis. Not Steve Davis, Bette Davis.
4. I got a job as a grape treader. I had to boil my socks for hours to get the stains out. Still it cured my verucas
5. I started drinking for health reasons. I had just been to MacDonald’s and thought I’d better sterilise my lunch.
6. I went fishing and all I caught was a tiddler. Told him if he didn’t stop it I’d report him to the Police.
7. I went walking on the beach and heard a bloke in the water shouting ‘I can’t swim, I can’t swim’. I said ‘neither can I but I don’t go around bragging about it’
8. I took up karate. Learned to kill a man with my bare feet. Confronted by a mugger it was no good. Before I could get my shoes and socks off he’d knocked seven bells out of me.
9. I joined the jet set. Got a job as a petrol pump attendant.
10. I realised a life long ambition to nibble Joan Collins ear. She didn’t seem to mind, but it got me thrown out of Madame Tussauds.
11. I got a degree in Oriental Philosophy so I could go into a Chinese restaurant and question the meaning of the bill.
12. Informer for junk mail outfits. If anyone I know changes their address, I report them to the Readers Digest.
13. I’ve sung with the Jackson’s – Gordon and Glenda.
14. I lost my job as a tree surgeon. Kept fainting at the sight of sap.
15. I once fainted during Playschool. Couldn’t stand suspense of wondering which window the story was going to come out of.
A TRIBUTE TO DENNIS BERSON
This site is dedicated to the memory of my friend Dennis Berson. He was a great comedy sciptwriter and one of comedy's unsung hero's. The more than 4000 jokes that will eventually follow, are a testimony to his skill, and a chance to "have a laugh" - enjoy!
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Dennis Berson
Blog Archive
Followers
BACKGROUND and PROFILE OF DENNIS BERSON
DOB:
Death:
Education
School –
O Levels
June 1960 - English Language
English Literature
History
Latin
French
Nov 1960 - Chemistry
June 1961 - Greek
A Levels
June 1963 - History Grade A
Economics Grade A
Latin Grade D
Degree – BA – Special Studies in History (Class 11 Honours)
Studied for a Masters Degree in ancient Viking history.
Life
His mother was of English extract and his father of Russian extract. He lived in Leeds (West Yorkshire) until 1980 then moved to
During his formative years he played an active part in the local community taking a keen interest in local history, youth clubs and community work.
Dennis was a generous, honest and genuine friend to many. He was always available to lend an ear, or to offer constructive advice and help.
He was a charitable man who supported a wide range of good causes including many that had a link with nature and wildlife.
He was a keen naturalist and had a deep love of the environment. He studied birds, flowers and trees, and designed a magnificent wildlife garden at his home in
He enjoyed sport, and supported rugby union. He enjoyed exercise, including table tennis, jogging and swimming. In his younger days he would regularly run for 3 to 4 miles and swim 40 to 50 lengths.
He had a photographic memory and a prodigious intellect. He was a member of several successful pub quiz teams and played a major part in their achievements.
Work
Berson’s Café 1968 – This was a café opened by his parents at Moortown Corner in
During this period he began writing comedy cartoon punchlines in conjunction with a friend who was a cartoonist.
Connaught Assurance Brokers Ltd 1971
Civil Servant 1973
Comedy Script Writer 1976
Dennis always had a love of humour and had a particular liking for off beat comedy, satire and pathos.
His professional career began in 1976 when he was employed as comedy writer to Ken Dodd. He was paid the princely sum of £40 per week for which he would often have to make a trip to Knotty Ash to collect his wages (probably in cash from under the bed).
This was followed by commissions from major TV companies writing shows such as Golden Shot and Celebrity Squares. This period began a long association of over 20 years with Bob Monkhouse, as comedy script and gag writer. He also wrote for such acclaimed comedy stars as Bruce Forsyth, Jimmy Tarbuck, The Two Ronnies and Alexi Sayle.
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