Thursday, 29 April 2010

Gags 13

1. Better to be a lager lout than a Bollinger bastard.

2. A Classics professor swearing – oh copulation Hades.

3. Pensioners in the North suffering from nausea, fatigue and post coital depression, sick and tired of being screwed by the Government.

4. American constitution written by leprechauns – the wee people hold these truths to be self evident.

5. Julius Caesar’s last words – don’t just bury me. It would be nice to have a bit of praise first.

6. Joan of Arc’s famous last words – “stuff this for a game of soldiers.”

7. Bruce address to troops at Banockburn – “nice to see you, to see you nice.”

8. Ultimate book about Bloomsbury set – who gives a shit about Virginia Wolf.

9. Got a record deal – I’m HMV positive.

10. Identikit American Spy – Man at CIA.

11. Eat brown bread for breakfast. Doesn’t show fingerprints when you’ve been reading the Guardian.

12. Down with superstition. Shoot an albatross.

13. Hank Marvin is a shadow of his former self.

14. Stutterers Rule O.O.O.O.K

15. If that’s a work of art, he ought to be art of work.

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